


Believe

by tmwillson3



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Spirits, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Curses, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 15:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21284060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmwillson3/pseuds/tmwillson3
Summary: When Ben Solo killed Snoke, he was cursed by Snoke to be followed by his vengeful spirit until he could learn the magic that his uncle had once used. Alone and isolated Kylo Ren was...until a lone figure appeared on the beach one night.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13
Collections: Fridays with Flydam





	Believe

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. It's time for another late Flydam Friday drabble. It's angsty, as appropriate for the prompt. This time, the prompt used was the following: was haunted by darkness.
> 
> Thanks to Flydam for organizing it!

Kylo Ren was haunted by darkness. It gnawed at him, threatened his sanity, and destroyed all he had ever loved.

But the true tragedy was that it was caused by his own hand.

_ He  _ was the one that hadn't trusted his uncle as Luke learned magic to destroy the wrathful spirit. 

_ He  _ was the one who had contacted the conjurer, Snoke, and let that snake into his life, realizing the truth too late.

Snoke didn't want to destroy Palpatine; he wanted to resurrect him. He killed Luke in retaliation for imprisoning and destroying Palpatine, before Luke could explain the magic he used to Kylo. 

Kylo eradicated Snoke, but not before Snoke placed the same curse on Kylo for killing him, to drive him to madness and death, just as the jealous lover Palpatine had done to Padme and her husband, Anakin. 

Kylo's descent into estrangement was gradual. First came the accidents, followed by the odd bouts of unnatural aggression. Then his coworkers died. Soon, his friends died.

By the time Kylo made the connection that anytime Snoke visited him somewhere, someone nearby died, he was too late. He tried to leave, but not before Snoke claimed two last victims: Ben's parents.

From there, Ben left all he knew and loved, packing up all he had and all of Luke's books on magic to learn how to destroy Snoke. 

He  _ would _ finish what his family started, one way or the other… even if it cost him his life. 

To the ramshackle, rickety cottage on Lake Naboo Ben fled. It had been Palpatine's last resting place before he died, and Snoke had taken to living there as well, to bring him back to life. Ben thought the location perfect.

All the spirits could haunt him there in peace. There was no one around him for miles, and he could have all his food brought to his door so he never saw another living soul.

It was less to protect his heart from. It was easier to let go of the world when he did eventually fall into madness. It was all a matter of time, time that was always too slow or too fast, depending on if he was reading. The reading - the need for knowledge and revenge - consumed his life, little by little. 

Forgotten were voices and gestures of affection. Gone was his old name, a laughingstock and cursed name to all. He became Kylo Ren, consumed by grief, guilt, revenge, and loneliness, with only the spirit of Snoke for company. 

"You'll never master that magic. You're too flawed, too consumed by darkness to vanquish me."

At first, Snoke saying that spurred him on to read for a week straight. Little by little, he understood the magic, learning small spells until he could summon or send Snoke away for a brief time.

"You hate too much. Your lust for power is like mine. You'll never believe enough to be able to defeat me," said Snoke one lonely night outside.

Kylo's prison was the most isolated cottage on the lake, the lone cottage on the bluff, buffeted by pounding winds and nearly drowned in the storms' angry waves. 

It reflected Kylo's anguished mood well.

That was the other reason Kylo had gone there, to the place where it all began. 

The water felt like home. When nothing made sense, the water understood. It roared and crashed, destroying everything it touched. 

Just like he did.

The water seemed calm, but there was so much more beneath the surface, more to be grasped. Every season it changed, and yet was exactly the same. In peace, its tendrils of waves begged him to enter in, to escape. When it shook his home to its very core, he stood in the waves, embracing the chaos that spoke to his soul. He howled into the night, loss and anger with himself always threatening to overtake him. 

All he had wanted was to help his family. He tried to trust just once, and he was betrayed. Never again would he trust, he vowed.

Until he did. 

It was during a full moon when he first saw her. At first, he thought her a spectre, a figment of his imagination. He thought he was becoming delusional or paranoid, or that another spirit had been sent to torment him for all his past sins.

Her steps were light and airy, like the fall winds that slipped through his hands and sent his unkempt hair everywhere. Dressed in all white, with radiant skin that glowed in the night, she was a tall, willowy thing. Curious and slow. Meandering along the beach, as though waiting for him.

Her beauty and strangeness called to him, like a siren at sea, bidding him to meet his fate. He went to her, ready to send her away as he did Snoke.

He followed her some ways until he stepped on a waterlogged tree branch, the crackling alerting her. She gasped when she saw him, her three buns bouncing as she took a hurried step back.

Her face was even more breathtaking in person. Large, discerning eyes that had seen the worst of the world stared into his soul, and he felt as though he needed to give an account for his actions once more to her. 

For reasons he couldn't explain, he wanted her mercy. Perhaps it was the small smile that creeped into her face as she took him in. Maybe it was the youthful, innocent look about her that drew him in and made him yearn for those times, before descending into the darkness. 

She inspired something different in him, however, and he almost felt bad using the spell he learned to send her away. 

When she remained standing there, looking at him with wide eyes of enlightenment, he realized that she wasn't a spirit. 

"How do you know those words?" she asked, approaching him in several strides. She didn't stop moving until she was a breath away, a look of longing in her eyes. "I didn't know anyone else had the same book as me. I thought I was alone in that knowledge."

"You're not alone," he said, pointing at his cottage. "Follow me. Let me show you all that I know."

After hours of pouring over the text with her, he learned that her name was Rey. She had been abandoned as a child and given a book by an old woman with large glasses, telling her it was her fate to receive the book of spells. Rey had been trying to find belonging and understanding since. She had become a scavenger, a drifter, wandering from one place to the next until Lake Naboo had called to her.

When she left him, he thought he'd never see her again. To his surprise, she came back.

"Why would I leave when I finally found someone who understands me?" she asked.

He had no answer, but he appreciated her. She  _ always _ came back. For the next few months, she visited every few days, a new constant in his life that paused his descent into the darkness.

She became his lighthouse on the shore, the beacon of light and joy who lit up his life with her curiosity and interest in all things occult. She never stayed the night, but her presence was felt long after, buoying him up as Snoke continued to visit him.

If only she could see Snoke. Kylo had been trying to keep Snoke away from Rey on purpose the more often she visited, but whenever Snoke was nearby as she entered or as she left, she never acknowledged Snoke. He feared that she would be taken away from him, just as everyone else had been. 

He raged against it. The young witch deserved a better life than the one she had been given so far, and he wanted to help her. 

Almost as much as he wanted her. 

Discussion of magic only lasted so long before they turned to personal matters. He worked harder to practice his own magic, determined to send Snoke away for good. He wanted to he able to talk to Rey without fear, and when she did appear at the same time as Snoke, he stayed close to her, determined to be her bodyguard. 

Snoke could have anyone … anyone but her. Anyone but the ray of hope whose words and actions spoke to his soul and comforted him in ways no one ever had. 

One day, they had been practicing in the nearby woods, and Snoke sent a tree toppling onto Rey while she was meditating. 

"Rey!"

Kylo's heart clenched, and a furious roar echoed through the forest as he stopped the tree just in time. He used his newly discovered spells to send it right back at Snoke, who disappeared with a laugh. Rey stared in awe.

That was when Kylo knew that he had to send Rey away. It had gotten too dangerous for her, or he had gotten too attached. He  _ knew  _ he shouldn't have let her stay. He  _ knew  _ she would get injured or killed eventually. 

Now she would learn the truth: he was cursed. 

She couldn't see all spirits like him, and in that moment, it made him feel more lonely than ever. He approached a shaken Rey, and never before had she hugged him. That day, she clung to him fiercely, and he knew he'd never be able to let her go.

"Kylo, why did that creepy, pasty guy try to kill me?"

"What creepy guy?" he asked, confused.

"You know, the one who is always visiting you. I thought he was a servant of yours, but it seems not. I've seen him further down the beach on occasion."

When he stared in dumbfounded wonder, she waved a hand in front of his face. "Kylo?"

"You can see him?" he asked, not believing still.

"Sure. Why?" she asked, pulling him to the ground where they could relax.

"He's a spirit, not a person. I've never met someone who could see him," he replied, taking her hands. He grew excited. "Do you know what this means?"

"That we can talk about him and your mysterious past that you never tell me about?" she asked, making him chuckle. 

"Yes, that."

For a time, that was enough for both. Rey learned his entire family's history, and she began coming every day. He wouldn't let her stay the night due to Snoke, but she kept trying. That, and to call him by his given name. 

He refused her both things until Snoke was gone for good.

He kept trying to capture and destroy Snoke, but to no avail. Time and time again, he would speak the spell after Snoke tried to take Rey's life or after Rey left. She bolstered him, made him feel whole again.

Or at least as whole as one could be when everything had been lost. The hope had been nonexistent before Rey, and it was a small, steady flame now. However, he still didn't believe.

Believe that it could work. Believe that he was good enough. Believe that he was worth the trouble. Believe that he could do it.

"Why do you keep trying, Kylo Ren? It's not worth it. You'll never be able to. There isn't enough good in you, unlike your uncle. You're a cold-blooded killer, a ruiner of other lives. How many lives have you lost now because of your selfishness?"

Kylo's shoulders drooped, just as they did every time. "Too many."

"You'll always destroy them. You don't know any other way. You're just like me."

As Kylo slumped to the floor in defeat at that last line, Snoke laughed and left, pleased to have finally found the seed of doubt that Kylo tried to hide. He would use it every time until Kylo joined him.

Rey found him later that day, still slumped in the sand, a glass jar and a book beside him. He was paler than snow, body limp, clothes soaked from the waves that beckoned him in, and hair drooping. 

"Ben."

His head darted up, not used to hearing that name. Somehow, the sound of it on her lips didn't bring the same revulsion it usually had. All the same, his betrayed, defeated look said it all.

"That's not my name, Rey. I stopped being him a long time ago."

She bent down, determined to prove otherwise. "You never stopped being Ben. You just need to be reminded of your true name, of your heritage once in a while." Her hands cupped his face before she brushed her lips against his. "Ben, I'm here. Let me help you."

"How?" he choked out, voice rising as he lifted up, needing distance between them.

It was too much and yet not enough. That simple kiss sent his mind into overdrive, with an overwhelming need for  _ more.  _ Worse, the onslaught of feeling, of unknown and lost sensations brimming up to the surface, made him feel more than ever before. 

The fury turned to passion, and he was afraid of it. Afraid of consuming Rey as he did everything else in his life. Oh, how he wanted her, but he'd try to do something and make things worse. 

What would it be this time? Maim her? Curse her, too? Kill her?

No, she was too much of a fighter to die. But Snoke would make it equally terrible, and it was all his fault.

"Ben, stop!" Her hands appeared out of nowhere, shaking his shoulders. "Ben, come back to me. What's wrong?"

His eyes met hers. "You should go," he said firmly, realizing just what exactly had happened to him.

He had fallen in love with Rey. Snoke had told him he would take everything dear from him, and he refused to allow Snoke her. He would do it himself, on his terms. He would protect her, even if she hated it.

Her hands went to her hips. "No."

"Rey, I refuse to let you-"

"Don't decide my life for me! If I want to ruin it more, I will," she roared, stepping in front of him.

His face grew sad, seeing her so fiery on his behalf. "Not for me. I'm not worth it," he said slowly. "I can't even dismiss Snoke fully, despite all my years of training."

Her eyes brightened with understanding before she took his hands, her thumbs making small, calming circles on his work-roughened hands. 

"Let's practice the words together. I'll say it once, and then you keep repeating it until you believe it. I can't do that kind of magic, but I can still help you."

They didn't actually know if she could do that kind of magic but assumed not since she was so new. Ben couldn't say no to her. She wanted to help so much, and he wanted to be good enough, to not be like Snoke. 

He picked up the book and handed it to her. The summoning and dismissing spells were on the same page, and when he pointed them out to her, he realized too late that she read the wrong one. Moments later, Snoke appeared, looking bigger and more corporeal than ever as he floated in front of Rey.

"Thank you for the new lease on life. I'm still going to kill you."

She snarled and cried as Snoke placed a ghostly hand over her throat. Ben had never sent Snoke away so quickly. As Snoke left cackling, Rey dropped to her knees, wheezing for life.

"Rey, I'm so sorry. This is why I don't want you here anymore with me. I'm not good for you. I'll destroy you, just like everyone else. You should go," he said, kneeling and trying to help her up. "I'm better off alone."

"If that's what you want, then I'll go," she said, slowly getting up and looking hurt. 

"Thank you, Rey. It's for the best," he murmured, cradling her face before kissing her forehead, just like his parents used to do. "I can't lose you, too. Not to him. You still have a chance."

She blinked back tears before she ran off, and he felt more alone than ever. For three days, he agonized and doubted all his choices, berating himself for all his past mistakes.

Except Rey. He could never regret her. Every night, he looked out his window and hoped beyond hope that she would come back. After the third night, he knew that she was truly gone. 

Now there was no hope. There was only a desire for peace, to be done with Snoke and all of it. He couldn't deal with the empty rooms anymore. Rey wasn't there to share them with him. 

He tidied up the cottage one last time, bringing the jar and book with him. Everything else he set on fire, determined to let the past die. He would kill it if he had to. He'd kill Palpatine, Snoke, his family's failure, and his own failure most of all. Snoke would be appearing soon, and he'd be ready. 

As the cottage lit up the dark night with the brightest light for miles and spouted embers, Kylo made his way to the beach, back to the one constant in his life: the sea. 

He stepped into the water and froze, unprepared for the chill of the water. 

Did he really want to do this? 

He was about to answer when he heard a shout. It reminded him of Rey's voice, but it couldn't be her. She should be long gone.

"Ben!"

This was crazy. He was imagining things now, even as the white figure steadily gained on him.

"Ben Solo, don't you dare take one more step in that water, or so help me, I will personally drag you out by those humongous ears you have!"

He stopped, laughing and unable to stop. He didn't stop until Rey was in front of him, looking angrier than a cat who had had its food taken out from under its nose. 

"Step out of the water, Ben."

He didn't like to be told what to do; he grumbled, "I'm not-"

"Yes, you are," she said, speaking a levitation spell and lifting him out of the water until he was in front of her. Her hands found his face, desperate and tender all at once as her hands memorized every plane of his face, just as she had always wanted to do. "You're Ben Solo, and you're mine."

His brain stuttered, and his mouth fell open, unable to process anything. Her mouth covered his with an animalistic need as she showed him exactly how she felt about him. Ben was surprised only for a moment, and then he got into it, his hands finding her hair and exploring it to his heart's content. 

When they broke apart, neither let it stay that way for long, taking large gulps of air before diving back in and giving in to the passion that consumed them both.

"Ben," she groaned before nuzzling into his chest for a breather. "Please don't ask me to leave again. I can't."

"I'm sorry I asked. I never felt so much pain. Rey, I, if you knew the depth of my feelings-"

"Do you love me?" she asked, looking up suddenly, eyes wide and needy.

"Yes, more than life itself," he admitted, playing with her hair. 

"I love you, too, Ben. I was hoping you did when you asked me to go-"

"I did and still do. It's only gotten stronger," he said, leading her to a log to sit on. "But, Rey, if you stay-"

"Why do you want to do this alone, Solo?" she asked. "What's the point?"

"Because I'm meant to be alone-"

"Because Snoke said so. Because he's a miserable ghost who wants you to be just as miserable. Isn't being alone and giving up giving Snoke what he wants?" she asked.

For the second time, Rey left him speechless. He didn't understand how he hadn't seen that before.

"Yes, it is," he rumbled. "But he will kill you-"

"And I'd rather die than be separated from you," she returned angrily. "That's not an option anymore."

"I can't do it, Rey. Don't you understand?"

He stormed towards the steaming pile of charred wood, and Rey followed, still just as incensed.

He turned around to face her again. "I've tried, Rey. Hundreds of times. I can't do it. I'm stuck like this until I die. Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes. I choose you. I will  _ always _ choose you," she said, voice softer as she took his face in her hands once more. "I had a lot of time to think during the past couple days. Would you like to know what else I discovered, besides my feelings for you?"

He nodded, not wanting to speak.

"Even if I have to fight off Snoke every day, I will do it because I love you. I love  _ you _ , Ben. Just like you love me. We can do anything together with that love."

"I just burned-"

"I don't care about the cottage! Home is wherever you are," she said, patting his chest over his heart. "And as for this evil spirit, we've discovered that I do share that same magic with you. If I'm that strong, why don't we dismiss Snoke together?"

He opened his mouth and quickly closed it. Narrowing his eyes, he gave her a strange look. "How? It's  _ my _ curse."

"If I can make him better, I can also make him worse," she reasoned. "Why sell your soul and be alone like this? Isn't that how you and your uncle got into this mess to begin with?"

He gave her a warning look. "Yes."

"Then stop the cycle. We'll do it together from now on," she said, offering her hand. He shook his head.

"It won't work because of me, though. I'm not strong enough. I'm not good enough. Not like you," he said, wanting to tear out his hair. "Why can't you understand that?"

"Because it's not true," she stated, hands going to his face once more. "You're more than enough. I wish you could see what I see, so you could believe in yourself as much as I believe in you."

He paused, silently urging her to go on. Her angry eyes were belied by the tender grasp she had on him until all anger was swept away by the devotion she had for him. "There's so much good in you. You care so much and feel for so many. You take all this pain on alone and suffer. You care. You care too much."

"That's impossible," he said, shaking his head.

"Then why do you care what happens to your family, your coworkers, your friends, or even me?"

He didn't have a good answer to that one, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw the faint outline of Snoke approaching. He sighed as his skin crawled, his body's reaction to the incoming harbinger of doom.

"I don't know."

"Because you  _ do _ care, Ben. You're nothing like that spirit," she said, noticing Snoke. "You're much better than him. You have to believe."

"I can't. I can't forgive myself," he said. "You shouldn't, either."

"I already did," she said, kissing him once more. As she pulled away, she said, "If you can't believe in yourself, then believe in me. Believe in us. Believe in our love. It's more powerful than anything else in the whole world. We can do this."

He could do that. He believed in her, and the love that shone in her eyes was all that he needed. He took her hands.

"Together."

She grinned, and they turned to face Snoke. He handed her the book and pointed out the right words to say before grabbing the jar. 

Snoke went to open his mouth, and Rey squeezed the hand holding hers. Both took a breath and chanted the spell, hands interlocked. 

For the first time, Ben believed. It shined in his words, and brightness dazzled and consumed Snoke, pulling him into the jar. When the jar was capped, Ben brought out the family's legacy knife and stabbed the jar, just as the spellbook suggested. With a final bellow of pain, Snoke's spirit was destroyed and sent back to the hell he came from, never to be summoned again. 

Ben fell to the ground, relief making him feel lighter than ever before. He didn't know what to do, what he was supposed to do, or wanted to do.

Then Rey sat beside him. 

"We did it, Ben."

He nodded, kissing her joyously. "Together. Thank you, Rey."

"You'll never be alone again," she said, leaning into his shoulder.

"My Rey of light."

His stalwart lighthouse and beacon of hope had returned for good. No longer was Ben Solo haunted by darkness. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
